Pairings: TatsuxTatsu (Muwahahaha!), YukixShu, Tatsu + Ryuichi.
Warnings: Language, sexual themes (a little self-lovin'), shonen ai, TWT, PWP, SAP, WAFF (I could go on...)
FYI: Don't look too hard for a plot, you won't find one. I might make this into chapters, or maybe a sequel? Tatsuha POV. Also just a note, if you really hate sappy stuff, please, save yourself- and me- some grief, and just don't read it okay? n__n
Disclaimer: Gravitation belongs to the wonderful Maki Murakami. I own nothing.
~~The CD of a lifetime~~
My jaw dropped. My heart pace increased ten-fold. I broke out into a cold sweat and my body began to shake. I needed something to steady myself with. Black dots were filling my vision and I felt the blood drain from my face. I hunched my body over the black stand that held the CD's.
This by far, was *the* worst day of my life...
They were out of the *brand* new Nittle Grasper CD!
They'd only been open forty-five minutes! They were out...I couldn't believe it! I felt like getting sick. How was I supposed to survive without the new CD? How? Sakuma Ryuichi, singing all new songs! His voice, reaching new heights! ...And I didn't own it! There wasn't one copy left. Not one.
I glared as hard as I could at the empty space. Nittle Grasper promotion posters were all around me. Mocking me. How could this have happened?
Oh, I'll tell you how. My good for nothing brother decided to be a dick and get me here late! That's how it happened! Oooh! I knew I should have...kicked him or something!
I sighed. Loud, long and hard. I banged my head on top of the empty rack. People were giving me strange looks, but I didn't care. I was depressed now.
I stuffed my hands into my pockets and stalked out of there. I made a point to glare at *anyone* who looked like an NG fan. So, to sum it up, I glared at everyone who crossed my path. Damn bastards! Couldn't have saved a copy for me, now could they?
'Cause you know, I'm only NG's *biggest* fan ever! But hey, life's like that.
Bunch a bullshit if you ask me. Life bloody well sucks.
I spent the entire day at the mall. I looked everywhere for a CD! I went everywhere! I even looked inside trashcans. I think people were starting to think I was some bum, looking for spare change. Che', let them think what they want. I needed that CD!
But of course, because God *hates* me, I didn't find anything. Not even the plastic wrapping that came on the disc! I wanted to cry. I really did.
~~oo0oo~~
I took the train back to my brothers. I didn't fancy the idea of calling him for a ride. I might have punched him and that wouldn't have helped either of us. I took my time, taking the long way home.
I got back to his apartment around ten thirty. The lights were on, and there was water boiling. I could hear the television on and guessed Shuichi must be watching it. I didn't feel like talking to anyone, so I just went into the spare bedroom and plopped myself down.
Damn damn damn! How was I going to get past this? I needed that CD! Maybe...maybe I could pawn one off! I'd pay anything! Anything at all!
"There's some supper waiting for you." Shut up aniki. I don't want food! Can't you see I'm in great *pain* here?
"I don't want any." I rolled over in my bed, just in time for the door to open. He shook me. "Brat. I made it for you, so you better eat it." Or I'm gonna pound you into the wall. I knew that's what he *wanted* to say, but even big bro has *some* manners.
"Fine!" I was pissed off, and at the moment, I wanted to be a brat! I wanted to be a sulky teenager who was gonna whine and cry.
I stalked off into the kitchen and discovered it was aniki watching the television, not Shuichi. In fact, Shuichi wasn't even home. Odd...he's always home by now. I shrugged it off. I didn't care right? I was supposed to be sulking in the pits of despair. That's exactly what I intended to do...It was easier said then done. Shuichi came home.
Now, Shuichi coming home usually doesn’t affect me much. He smiles at me, talks a little, we bitch about aniki together until the big bad Blondie comes in, swoons Shuichi and they go to bed. No, it wasn't Shuichi who made my chopsticks fall to the floor. It was the person who he brought home.
Sakuma Ryuichi. Star of Nittle Grasper! My frickin' God!
I shit you not! He was there, standing beside Shuichi, talking animatedly about something. I was mesmerized. His gentle green hair looked like it was glowing the way the light hit it. His body would move in wild gestures when he spoke, and his voice...he truly *was* a god. A beautiful god, with an amazing voice. I gulped, trying to calm my racing heart. He was so damn close! If I really wanted to, I could just go up to him and introduce myself. I could...oh I could!
But I didn't. I was too chicken. He felt *so* close... that he was far away. He was this, huge superstar, and I was...nothing. A sixteen (seventeen in a month) year-old with a massive crush. Just some stupid schoolboy. Whatever would *the* great Sakuma Ryuichi want...with me?
I reached down and picked up my chopsticks, feeling resigned. Yes, I was nothing. No, I could not, and would not, go over there and introduce myself.
I watched as Shuichi and Ryuichi wandered into the living room. I heard them talking, and even my brother joined in. But it was probably just to tell them to shut up, because he had work to do. Seems I was correct, because not two minutes later, he walked out and into his office.
I think I'm just gonna go to bed. That sounded like a marvelous plan. I could just plug in some music and pretend I had enough confidence to talk to him. Pretend he wanted to talk to me. Ah, the land of make believe.
My heaven and hell.
I looked at my full plate of food. I felt sick. My appetite was gone. Sorry aniki...I covered the plate with plastic wrap and placed it in the fridge. It'd make a good lunch. I cleaned my chopsticks and tried to ignore the melodic voice that belonged to my god. Maybe if I just let myself believe he wasn't here...
"Why aren't you in there?" Ugh. Aniki, mind your own damn business!
"Because I'm tired." Oh yeah, real convincing.
"Bull shit. Just go in there would you! You're going to do nothing but sulk all tomorrow if you don't. I do not want to put up with you being a baby." he grabbed a beer and popped the tab.
I glared at him and he laughed at me.
"Sorry. You can't use my own tactics against me. Get over it, and just go in there." he took a nice long drink, got another beer and disappeared into the abyss of his office.
I heard the keys clicking away on his stupid computer, and I was frozen. Maybe I should. Maybe...for once, I should listen to him, and just...go. But...but...what did I say? I knew nothing about the music business! I would feel so small and... stupid. Ah, screw it.
There's a bed in the spare room, and it has my name on it.
"Oi! Shuichi! Where is it?" I froze dead in my tracks. Ryuichi...he was...
"Ah, it's right--oh! Tatsuha-san! He'll show you where it is!" I whipped around and faced Ryuichi. He was...so close! Not even two meters away! Shuichi was behind him, smiling at me.
"Ne, Tatsuha-san, will you show Sakuma-san where the bathroom is?" he didn't even give me the chance to respond before he walked away. Gah! Why aren't you showing him where the bathroom is?
I gulped. I couldn't move, speak or...anything.
My god...he was...smiling at me.
I felt my manners kick in and I bowed.
"It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Uesugi Tatsuha." I was bowing so damned low; I was practically kissing the floor.
"It's a pleasure to meet you too!" I stood up again; I swear to god my back cracked about a million different times. I smiled weakly at him. The bathroom? Right! I was about to lead him to it...but...he stuck out his hand.
I blinked. Why...why was he...sticking out his hand to me? This was very, very, odd.
"Um," I stuttered. What was going on?
"Neeee, you're supposed to shake it silly!" he laughed. But...he wasn't laughing at me. Or with me for that matter. But, at least he wasn't making fun of me. I would have died on the spot.
I vaguely remembered. Aniki had once told me, that in North America, the custom is to shake hands when you meet. I nodded a little and placed my hand in his. And he shook.
My nerves were on fire. I could feel everything, even his pulse. His hand was slightly sweaty, but not overly so. It was nice and warm, very soft. It felt weird; I was so accustomed to bowing. This felt so...personal. It wasn't respectful, wasn't distanced. I felt...almost...equal to him like this. Maybe...that's how he intended it?
He let go of my hand and I blushed. "Um...follow me." my voice was hushed. I couldn't trust myself to speak normally. I showed him the bathroom and when he closed the door, I ran.
Not like there was anywhere to go, mind you. But I *had* to leave where I was. The air was thick. I thought I was gonna suffocate. I ran into the living room, where Shuichi was trying to play DDR on his knees. I stopped for a moment to gawk. He was...he was doing so well! I watched him as he moved, following the arrows, never missing one. He actually...cleared it! [1]
I clapped. "I don't know how you did that..." I was in awe. He gave me a victory sign and switched the song. I didn't realize Ryuichi had come back until he walked past me. I took a step back involuntarily. His scent whizzed past, and I sniffed eagerly for it. I'm sure I resembled a dog, sniffing the air. His smell...wasn't anything I can really describe. Just...uniquely Ryuichi. It was sweet and...tart. I couldn't pick up anything else but that. But hey, it didn't matter. It smelled damn good.
"Sakuma-san! It's your turn!" Shuichi was standing up, rubbing his knees. "Remind me to never do that again!" he grimaced in pain. I laughed a little. My own knees were weak and wobbling. Well, at least I was *in* the living room. I had yet to move around.
"Baka, if you'd learn not to play on your knees, they wouldn't hurt." Ah, aniki. You sure know how to make someone feel better. All warm and fuzzy inside...
Stupid jerk off.
Shuichi pouted and sprawled himself out on the couch. Aniki followed him. They were talking quietly amongst themselves. I was still wondering how aniki saw Shuichi do that. Wasn't he just in his office...? He's kinda creepy that way. He can just...sneak up on you. Like he comes out of thin air.
My brother: the Magician.
Ryuichi was off in his own world playing DDR. He was doing perfect...I bet everything he does is perfect...All the more reason why I shouldn't be in here with him. I should be away to sulk and brood in peace. I turned to leave...again. But of course, again, aniki decided he wanted to torture me. He always was a dickhead you know.
I turned to glare at him, despite the fact I knew it wouldn't do anything. But it made me feel a bit better. "Stay a while." he smirked at me. I wanted to rip his stupid blond head off. He *knew* how much this was killing me! He fucking KNEW it! And here he was, pretending to be the all-loving caring brother...inviting me to stay and hang out. I growled. I wanted to refuse.
"Yeah! C'mon Tatsuha-san! The more the merrier!" Well shit. I can refuse aniki...but I can't refuse Shuichi. It was just too rude. Besides...I liked Shuichi! He was so nice to me! And he understood my love for Ryuichi! Maybe...it wouldn't be...that bad...
I nodded a little and sat down...at the other end of the room. I propped myself up against the glass doors. Okay, I take that back. This sucks. I was getting the perfect view of Ryuichi. I could stare at him all I wanted. Oh, that's good and bad. Good for hormones, bad for me because the living room is full of people! Argh! Aniki was smirking at me. Shuichi kept glancing back and forth between us. I think he knew something was up. God, something was up all right! Down boy, down! I trained my eyes to the floor, avoiding aniki's stare.
Yes, the floor *is* rather fascinating...
"Tatsuha,"
It's all...wooden and pretty. Shiny and smooth...
"Tatsuha..."
It feels nice to walk on...nice to just...sit and look at. Oooh look! I can see a rabbit!
"Tatsuha!"
"What?" I yelled. I couldn't take it anymore! This was...too damned much! First I miss out on buying the new CD! And now the singer of that CD was here! Right in front of me! I balled my fists and glared at aniki. He took a long drag on his cigarette, and smirked at me again. "Why don't you give it a try?" he jerked his head towards the DDR... Where Ryuichi was...and he was looking at me again. "Yeah! Tatsuha-san! Come and play with me!" My face went red and as a beet.
"Ah...maybe you shouldn't. I mean, um, he looks tired!" At least Shuichi cared! I wanted to glomp him.
"Oh, he's fine! Aren't you?" He was killing me! AH! Aniki...I'm gonna shoot you! He just kept on smirking at me. Evil I tell you. He is pure evil. The spawn of Satan.
I wanted to die. Crawl into a dark hole and die! But I couldn't...because Ryuichi was dragging me onto the mats.
Whoa...back up! Ryuichi was...My eyes bugged out. "Matte yo! Matte yo!" I was panicking. I was hyperventilating! The room was dead silent. I choked on my words. "I...I don't...don't know how to...play!" In my head, I smacked myself hard. I sounded so stupid!
Okay, so maybe I *was*, but there's no need to rub it in!
"Aw, that's okay! Here, I'll teach you!" I gulped. As much as I would love to run away...I couldn't. There was a HUGE superstar asking me to play with him...if I refused, I might as well consider myself a dead man. Manners my dear boy, manners. I hate them sometimes. I gave him a weak nod and he selected a song...
I wasn't lying you know. I mean, I knew the mechanics, but I couldn't actually *play* the damned thing! My coordination is horrible. Thankfully, he selected beginners.
Oh god. Oh...god...I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die.
I was so wrapped up in my mental chanting, I didn't hear the song start...oh, but I heard Ryuichi's voice in my ear, instructing me what to do.
... ... ...I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die!
"Ne, just follow the arrows!" I nodded to him and concentrated solely on that. Making my feet move to each arrow as they came. I actually found myself...enjoying this. I stole a glance at my god and he had the biggest smile on his face. Like a three-year-old with ice cream. Or a new puppy. He looked so young and free...so different from his stage persona. I had to wonder, for the sake of wondering, does he do that on purpose? Or is it something out of his control?
Quite frankly, I didn't care. Whatever it was, it didn't matter. He was who he was...it didn't matter how he became that way. I loved every part of him...even the parts I didn't know about.
I played a few songs with him before I needed some water. I was reluctant to leave actually. Being close to him...wasn't all that bad. I didn't feel small or stupid. I just felt like...one of the boys. I was smiling like an idiot, leaving to get some water. And I kept smiling like that the entire night.
Aniki came out every few hours. To sit and take a break, I would presume. He'd watch Shuichi, and give him these...little smiles. I wanted to go "Awwww!" and take a picture...but I knew that would get me kicked out on my ass in a matter of seconds...so I pretended not to notice. I didn't go back on the DDR...I wanted to watch instead.
~~oo0oo~~
I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew it was daylight. I blinked blearily and stared at my wrist. The numbers on my watch were all fuzzy. I shook my head and finally realized it was only 5:30 am. I looked around and found myself alone in the living room. There was a blanket over me and a pillow near me. I was slightly disappointed. I wanted to say goodbye to him...
I shrugged to myself, deciding that I could sulk later. I wanted to sleep. I took off my watch and placed it on the floor next to me. I rolled onto my back. I was too lazy to actually take off my shirt and jeans, so I just tried to go back to sleep.
The house was silent for a bit...until I heard a tiny moan, followed by a giggle. I shook it off. Maybe they were...talking? Yeah...talking all right...
"Shhh..." that was aniki...and I could hear Shuichi giggle between gasps. I bit my lip. They...weren't doing anything. Talking...that was it!
It was quiet again for a bit, before I heard covers rustling and soft moaning and groaning. I held my breath. They were NOT doing what I thought they were! ...Right?
"Mmmmm...Yuki...I--Ahhh!" Oh.My.God. They WERE!
I smacked my forehead. Argh! How was I supposed to sleep with this?
"Shhhhh, Shu...you're gonna wake him!" Aw, gee. So nice of you to be so considerate!
"Aw, no we won't! Besides...he's a big boy now! He knows all about sex!" Shuichi giggled and moaned...rather loudly. What he said must have worked...because now *both* of them were...being loud...
I was expecting to cringe. After all...this *was* my brother here. But I wasn't cringing. Or feeling disgusted at all. He had a right to his sex life. And he had a right to love Shuichi. You know, Shuichi is kinda...sexy and all...I don't blame my brother for wanting to fuck him...at 5 in the morning....
But you know the worst part was...I was getting turned on. Yes, Mr. happy was...getting very, very happy. I closed my eyes tightly and let their sounds wash over me...and in my head, it was me. Me and-you guessed it-Ryuichi.
I could see it perfectly. His body over mine, kissing me, touching me...moving in and out. Moaning into my ear, telling me how much he wanted me. I shivered and my hand wandered down to the front of my jeans. I began to massage myself, the fantasy playing out.
I slid off my jeans after a few minutes, along with my shirt. Instantly, my hand plunged into my shorts and I began to pump insanely. As they got louder, so did I (in my head, mind you). I could hear them get faster, the bed creaking just a bit. Their voices were muffled, I suspect because they were kissing. I felt a sharp pang in my chest. I wanted to be kissed...I wanted to know what it felt like to be loved, and to love someone back.
"Yuki...I--Nnnn..." Shuichi sounded...well, he didn't sound like himself. His voice was so husky and deep. I turned my head into my pillow and groaned a little. Every time Shuichi made a noise, it just heightened my pleasure. In my head, it was Ryuichi...The mental picture was so vivid, that I soon was flying off the edge.
I bit my lip hard, swirling my thumb over the tip. With a final jerk of my hips, I came. I was smart enough to kick off the covers, so they wouldn't be...um, messed up.
It seems I was right on time with them. Seconds after my own orgasm, I lay there limp on the couch, listening as they called out. I couldn't understand anything. It sounded like a bunch of mumbling to me. But, god, they sure sounded happy though.
I was jealous. Jealous of aniki. I hated him for finding Shuichi. Hated him for having Shuichi. To use and abuse and love as he sees fit.
After I cleaned myself up a bit, I curled up on the couch and drifted off.
~~oo0oo~~
Yes, life sucks. Hours after the...incident this morning, Shuichi left for work I think, and aniki went about his daily things. Writing, reading, buying beer and cigarettes, maybe something special for dessert. The usual. I sat on the couch the entire time, flipping through channels.
"Are you just going to sit there?"
Shut. UP! "Yes."
"Let me guess, you were so horribly heart broken that Sakuma-san didn't proclaim his undying love to you last night, you're depressed and on the verge of suicide."
Fuck you. "Sounds like a plan aniki."
"Well good. Try not to make a mess."
Excuse me? "What the---"
"Tatsuha, I'm not blind. I can see right through you. You didn't get the new CD yesterday, did you?"
Ah, well shit. "No, I didn't. No thanks to you." God, I was right pissed off! Stupid stupid stupid! "How did you know anyways? Why the hell do you care?" I snarled at him. Go to hell aniki.
"Please, if you had gotten it, you would have been playing it all night, and singing with Sakuma-san and Shuichi." Am I *that* transparent?
"You know, you little idiot, you could have just asked me to get one for you." I looked up at him. He had that sweet 'big brother' look on his face. The kind he used to get when we were little. When he'd take care of me after I fell or scraped my knee. "How could you get it?" I sunk into the couch. "Tohma." I dropped my jaw. I smacked myself *hard* in the forehead. Shit shit shit! Why didn't I think of that? For Christ’s sake, my *sister* was *married* to him! God damn it!
"Oh."
"Yeah. Want me to call?"
"Yeah."
"You'll have it in a bit."
"Thanks."
"Tatsuha?"
"Yeah?"
"Next time you see him, try speaking with him. He's as nice as Shuichi."
That left me hanging. What was that supposed to mean? That he'd listen to me? That he'd care about me? Gah, this was too confusing. I just shut off the TV and went back to sleep on the couch.
~~oo0oo~~
"Ooooooooh! Oi Shuichi! I think Tohma looks funny!" Mmm, Ryuichi, your voice is beautiful.
"Yeah! Not like you look any better. Look at your expression!" Shuichi? What are you doing in my dreams...? I opened my eyes, only to find Ryuichi and Shuichi sitting down in front of me, looking over the new CD. They were pointing at the picture on the back, laughing. The new CD...that belonged to...
"Is this yours Tatsuha-san?" Shuichi asked me, glancing at aniki as he came into the room. "Yeah, it's his. Shuichi, come here." Ooookay...go aniki! Well, Shuichi smiled at me and left with big bro. Crap! Please don't let them be doing what I thought they were!
It was deadly silent. Ryuichi was looking rather happy, playing with Kumagorou. I could hear Shuichi and aniki talking. No moans, groans or anything like it. I sighed in relief.
Ryuichi had placed the CD down, so I picked it up eagerly. I tore through the plastic and took out the slip inside. I was about to scan through for pictures of him, when it dawned on me... Why was I looking for pictures, when the real thing was right here?
Try talking to him huh? Ah, here goes...
"Ne, Sakuma-san...I...uh, really like you! Um, I mean your songs! Yeah!" I blushed. Shit! I like you? God damn it kid! Get it together!
He smiled at me and hugged his bunny tight. "Nee, arigatou na no da!" he sounded happy. "What's your favorite song?" Stupid question, but I wanted to know. He chewed on his lip a bit. I had this urge to lick those lips...
"Shining Collection!"[2] He gave me a "v" for victory and smiled. "Yuki-san wrote it for Shuichi. I think that's so cute! Oooh!" he hugged himself and giggled. His laugh was infectious. I laughed too, and before I knew it, we were both rolling over with laughter.
"Naaa, Tatsuha-san! What's your favorite song?" I had to think. "Too many to count." was my final answer. I grinned at him. He smiled back, and his eyes met mine. I felt comfortable. I felt okay. I felt like I wasn't too young. I felt like I was...equal.
Suddenly, things were looking up for me. Maybe we'd become friends, maybe something more...either way, I do believe I was *the* happiest guy alive.
God bless you aniki.
~*Owari*~
[1]-This was inspired by actual events! One of our Japanese exchange students (Keiji) was playing DDR on his knees at his going away party! It was so great! And yes, he actually cleared it! YAY! Go Keiji! ^^v
[2]-Shining Collection is my fave Gravi song, so I just used it. Eh heh heh...*sweatdrop*
*nods* Yup, yup! Cheesy, sappy and all the good things people seem to hate. *grins* I might make something more out of it, but only if you guys want more. I had a ton of fun writing this, I don't even know where it came from. It just...wrote itself one day. ^.^ Feedback is always a great thing, but be nice! Arigatou na no da!
Japanese terms:
Matte yo: Wait!
Aniki: Older brother.
~~Nevies~~ ~.^ |