Title: This Side of Me
Disclaimer: Gravitation or it's charas are not mine, but that of Maki Murakami-Sensei
Warnings: POV(s), may take a second to click, depending
Author's Notes: Been exploring this idea for a while. I won't say anything else that won't give it away ^_^ More Author's notes at the end (on another page). The font changes I used in word don't work, so just assume the different symbol divider things I put in are different fonts, okay? ^^; Awesome!
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The keys were like rain - that was the first thing he thought. He had stopped using written journals. Every time he did, he came up with a song rather than an entry like Fujiwara-sensei wanted. Besides, she couldn’t read his handwriting very well. Any of his handwritings. So he kept it on the computer. The keys were so fun to push!
...
//Rain, rain, rain. It’s been raining soooo much today and yesterday and the day before that! I love the rain, no da! I really do. It’s so pretty and it washes away bad things too. But it makes me kind of sad, too, and I don’t understand why. I try really hard and think and try to remember. But I can’t think of anything.//
//I think something sad happened when it was raining. Or maybe rain is like crying. If the sky is crying, I wonder why it’s so sad!//
//I asked myself why it rains so much right now. I hope the sky ISN’T crying, ‘cause then the world must be sad. But that’s silly, the world can’t be sad! Not the actual world or anything, right? Then I realized my birthday was last week! I don’t know how old I am, I can’t remember. But it was last week, I’m sure of it!//
((We discussed it before with Tohma and Noriko. They helped me remember, since neither of us do. I’ve been having trouble remembering some dates as well, or long-term ones. I’m not sure why I keep blocking these things out, and it gets frustrating sometimes, to be honest. But I’m trying not to worry about it until I know that I have to deal with it.))
((I’ve tried to talk to Myself like you asked, but they’ve been silent lately.))
//I tried REALLY really hard too, no da! I don’t think he likes talking anymore because things are getting really, really tough with stuff coming up!//
//I don’t remember what stuff, though…but Kumagorou and I had a nice lunch today!//
((There’s a tour coming up, and I think Myself knows that it will be easier for everyone if I deal with it. It’s going to be stressful and there are a few songs that we haven’t practiced on stage yet. We’re not really worried, but we know that sometimes it’s easier for me to work through it.))
I just…I’m sorry. Typing is hard for me, I never learned how to.
//Typing can be hard, but it’s fun! I’m okay at it, but I’m not the one that usually does. Kumagorou thinks that writing is more expressive!! But sometimes I can’t read my own handwriting or forget that I wrote something! I do it and I don’t know why.//
//Myself, can I ask why? Please, pretty please? I want to learn to type good too!!//
It’s not your job.
//Why can’t I remember our birthday? I see Noriko’s daughter blowing out her candles with those pretty hats on her head and she looks so happy! Did you get to wear a pretty hat? I want one next birthday!//
At one point, yeah. I don’t want to waste Fujiwara-sensei’s time on birthday parties, though…
((I have to ask you something before you disappear again, documented because you don’t come out much more than here. And so Fujiwara-sensei can see, too. But why were you upset the other day? With that fan. I know we weren’t responding the way you wanted, but you weren’t clear on that either. He seemed nice. A little pushy, but cute.))
//He was so much fun! I want to play with him again, I do! He said he wants to play, too. Why can’t we? I don’t understand, Myself. You tell me to do it and I do, but now you’re so sad! Don’t be sad, I don’t want you to be sad. Don’t cry like the sky.//
I don’t know what to think yet. I don’t know how to act to him. I don’t want to talk about it. Please, just don’t…
((I think I can remember.))
Don’t. That’s not your job. Don’t ask now. It takes too long to type. Listen to music. Music helps.
//Music, music! I think we make pretty music now, but I want to listen to someone else. Can I pick the music?//
((Then some sleep. I suppose that’s the end of this entry, there’s not much else to say.))
...
It was time for music rather than clicks of the keyboard. Ryuichi saved the file and sent it via e-mail like he did three times a week. He liked the fonts this time. One of them had changed, but he wasn’t sure why. He decided he’d have to ask next time he wrote. |